


Be My Valentine

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, M/M, Unrelated Fíli and Kíli, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6011815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In hindsight, it was probably a rash decision. But dammit he was 26 years old and had a serious case of the singles. Maybe the holiday aisle of Kroger wasn’t the best place to make a life altering decision, but it was where Kili made it anyway.</p><p>Not that his decision was meant to be particularly life altering. Well, not really. People made the decision to find a date all the time. And it was definitely not such a rare thing to resolve to have a date for Valentine’s Day.</p><p>Okay, so maybe for Kili, it was kinda a huge deal...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

In hindsight, it was probably a rash decision. But dammit he was 26 years old and had a serious case of the singles. Maybe the holiday aisle of Kroger wasn’t the best place to make a life altering decision, but it was where Kili made it anyway.

Not that his decision was meant to be particularly life altering. Well, not really. People made the decision to find a date all the time. And it was _definitely_ not such a rare thing to resolve to have a date for Valentine’s Day.

Okay, so maybe for _Kili_ , it was kinda a huge deal. Which was pretty much hammered home to him as soon as he walked into the apartment he shared with Fili and Gimli.

“Hey! You’re back!” Gimli exclaimed from where he was lounging on the couch, draped across his boyfriend, Legolas. Fili was stretched across the love-seat and grinned at him as he dropped his bags onto the kitchen table and began putting his groceries away. “Please tell me you got the beer?”

Legolas rolled his eyes. “If you did, please tell me you got something other than that hipster PBR shit this idiot likes for some reason.”

“Not everyone is pretentious as you, dear,” Gimli quipped, smirking up at him.

“Sorry, Gim,” Kili sighed as he put the meat he had bought into the freezer. He had _known_ that he had forgotten something. “I kinda got distracted by all the hearts and cupids everywhere.”

“Already?” Fili asked, looking away from the tv and giving him an incredulous look. “It’s barely January. Capitalism at work people.”

“Hey, don’t hate,” Gimli said with a smug smile. “Besides, this just means that there’s more choice candy in the stores. Besides, Fili, you know they make those Reese’s Eggs you like so much in hearts for Valentine’s Day.”

Fili lit up at that. “I love capitalism!” he declared. “I’ll have to go get some!”

“No need,” Kili told him after he had put all his food away. He threw the six-pack of Reese’s Hearts that he had gotten into Fili’s lap. He pushed the blond’s feet off the love-seat and plopped down. “Saw them and I thought of you.”

Fili beamed at him as Gimli scowled. “Sure, you get him surprise chocolate, but don’t get the beer I _specifically_ asked you to get me. I knew you liked Fili more.”

“Maybe if you didn’t break my wagon when we were little, you’d be my favorite,” Kili retorted.

It was Fili’s turn to give his cousin a smug grin as he tore open a heart and ate half of it in one bite. Gimli promptly through a pillow at him.

Kili couldn’t help but smile at the two cousins’ antics. No matter how much they might fight sometimes, he knew that Fili and Gimli were as close as brothers. The Durins were a pretty tight-knit family, and Fili and Gimli had pretty much always been together since they were both in diapers. 

Kili never felt jealous of their closeness, though, because he had joined them as soon as kindergarten had started and they had instantly accepted him. He spent as much time as he could growing up at one of their houses or the other. Compared to the cold quiet that was his house, the Durins’ family gatherings were wonderfully warm and usually loud. 

His parents had never really had a problem with his closeness with the two cousins. Until both Fili and Gimli came out senior year.

That had put a little strain on their friendship, as his parents had forbidden him from hanging out with them. Thankfully, it was only a few months later before they were all moving off to college, and his parents couldn’t control who he was friends with then. And if Kili conveniently forgot to mention that he would be rooming with the Durin cousins, well, his parents never visited the city anyway.

“What was so upsetting about hearts and cupids, anyway?” Gimli asked grumpily, after Fili had snatched his chocolate from his questing hands and threw the pillow back at him. “You’re not usually one to mind those things.”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, unsure if he wanted to tell his friends his decision. He leaned over and stole a heart from Fili. “It just got me to realize that I haven’t had a Valentine since we were seven and Tina Thompson gave me a sparkly pink heart and a lollipop.”

“Aw, young love,” Legolas quipped wistfully.

“You haven’t had a date since high school,” Fili said with a frown. “You’ve never even _mentioned_ dating before. I didn’t think you were that interested in it. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I’m _interested_ in dating,” Kili protested. “I just never… found someone I wanted to date?”

That was a lie. He had definitely met people he _wanted_ to date. Just none that he felt that he _could_ date.

“Is there someone you want to date _now_?” Gimli asked eagerly.

Yes, but again, no one he _could_ date. “Not really,” he lied. “But I’ve been single since Homecoming of junior year. Maybe it’s time to lower my standards.”

“You shouldn’t lower your standards, Kee!” Fili cried. “You deserve happiness!”

Before he could respond, though, Legolas butted in. “More importantly, you deserve to get laid. Please tell me that your dating dry spell does not mean that you are a virgin. Because that would just be sad.”

“I’m not a virgin,” he huffed, folding his arms across his chest and slouching back into the couch cushions.

It was a touchy subject for him, for good reason, he thought. If he were honest with his friends, which he most definitely was _not_ going to be, he only had sex once, and he wasn’t really sure if it counted. He had been dating a girl, Cindy Rubinstein, in junior year and after the Homecoming dance she had wanted to “go all the way” with him. Only he couldn’t actually… _finish_.

Cindy had tried to be gracious about it, but their relationship pretty much ended that night.

He had been so embarrassed, he hadn’t even told Fili and Gimli about what had happened. He had only just begun to realize _why_ he hadn’t been able to keep an erection with Cindy when Fili and Gimli had come out. 

And after seeing his parents’ reactions, he knew that he could never let anyone know and he _definitely_ could _never_ act on his… desires.

So he had just not dated. Never even tried to do the whole “one night stand” thing either. He didn’t really see the point. He wasn’t sure he could actually go through it with a woman, and he really didn’t see the point in torturing himself with something he could never have.

“So because you don’t want to be alone for Valentine’s Day, you’re what? Gonna just choose a random girl to get together with?” Gimli asked skeptically. “That doesn’t sound like you, Kili.”

“I’m 26!” he exclaimed in exasperation. “It’s time I found someone to settle down with anyway. I should do it before you two lovebirds move off on your own and Fili finds someone and kicks me out.”

Fili rolled his eyes. “I’d never kick you out, idiot,” he told him with a roll of his eyes. “And suddenly you’ve gone to wanting a date to getting married or something?”

He shrugged. “Isn’t that why people date?” he asked, looking down at his lap and fiddling with the candy wrapper still in his hands.

Which is how he missed Fili’s devastated look.

“Well if you’re going to try and woo some poor girl, the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are definitely the time to do it,” Legolas said thoughtfully. “If you’re really serious about this, it shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, you’ve got a job and are fairly good-looking. Getting a date shouldn’t be difficult.”

“But are you sure you want to do this?” Gimli asked in concern, shooting a glance at Fili, but the blond didn’t chime in with any support. Gimli growled in frustration. “If you haven’t met anyone you really like, maybe you shouldn’t just settle?”

Kili really couldn’t argue that he was always going to be settling, no matter what girl he chose. “People go on dates without having feeling for the other person all the time,” he argued instead. “That doesn’t mean feelings can’t develop.”

“Well, if you think this will make you happy…” Gimli said with finality, turning his attention back to the movie they had been watching before Kili got back

He didn’t really think this would make him happy, but he wasn’t particularly happy _now_. But it _could_ make him happy, right? He could find a girl, settle down, maybe have a family. That was what he was supposed to want, right?

Kili couldn’t help but sneak a peek at Legolas and Gimli cuddled up on the couch together. Why couldn’t his parents be as accepting as his friends’ parents?

Maybe it was his fault for not being brave enough to risk being disowned from his family, which he was fairly certain would happen. They may not have been as loving as the Durins were, but they were _his_.

Fili grabbed his hand and stopped him before he went to bed, after Gimli and Legolas had long since retired to Gimli’s room, making them both very grateful that his room didn’t share a wall with either of theirs.

“Kili, if you’re going to go through with this whole dating thing, just… be careful, okay?” he said earnestly.

He didn’t think it was very fair for Fili to look at him like that while still holding his hand and actually think that he would be able to process anything he said. “Okay,” he murmured.

“I’m serious,” Fili said insistently, tightening his hold on Kili’s hand, which was really counterproductive to his intent. “Don’t do something just because you think you should be doing it. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’ll be careful,” he assured him, mostly just to get him to stop looking him so sincerely and to let let go of his hand. If Fili didn’t stop, he might do something he had been fighting for longer than he really cared to admit. “I promise.”

Fili gave him a tight smile. “Good,” he nodded. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” he replied before slipping off to his bedroom. He sighed as he shut the door and collapsed on his bed.

Tomorrow, he’d start the hunt for a woman to date. His Valentine.

Which meant that tonight, he had to get the man he had stupidly fallen in love with out of his head.

#

With two weeks to go before Valentine’s Day, Kili was sure that he had found the perfect woman.

She was beautiful, with long, sleek auburn hair and dazzling green eyes. She worked in the marketing department of his company, which was perfect. It meant she was nearby but didn’t work so closely with him that it would be weird. Plus, from his few interactions with her, she seemed nice and friendly.

He had done some surreptitious asking and found out that she hadn’t been in a relationship for at least a year, which meant she knew what it was like to spend a Valentine’s Day alone.

His target acquired, he now just had to ask her out. 

Considering he hadn’t really asked anyone out since high school, though, he really wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to go about that.

Could he just drop by her cubicle ask her if she wanted to grab lunch? Was that romantic enough? Did he want a lot of romance for the first date? He didn’t want to go overboard or anything.

Kili took a deep breath and strode towards the marketing department before he overthought everything and lost his nerve.

“Tauriel, hi,” he greeted with a bright smile.

Her genuinely happy smile was a good sign, he thought. “Kili! Good morning! Do you need to get to my computer?” she asked, half rolling away from her desktop in anticipation. 

It was a fair assumption, considering he worked in IT, but it was a slight blow to his confidence all the same.

“No,” he said, holding a hand up to stop her from getting up. “Actually, I was wondering if you had plans for lunch?”

“Totally free. Did you have something in mind?” she asked eagerly.

Kili blinked. Maybe this would be easier than he thought. “Um, there’s a great sushi place a couple blocks from here. My treat?”

She grinned impishly. “I’ll hold you to that! Swing by and get me when you’re ready to go. Sometimes I get too caught up and work and forget lunch.”

“Will do!” Kili promised, grinning back before he went back to his office with a little bit of a pep in his step.

For the first time in forever, he had a date.

And it went well. They ate, they laughed, they talked about their friends and their families. All those things you were supposed to do on a date. He was glad that she didn’t try to hold his hand or give him a kiss or anything.

He thought it was best if they worked up to anything physical.

“This was fun,” she told him as they got in the elevator of their building after lunch. “We should hang out more.”

“Definitely,” he replied, though he was a little confused about her phrasing. Was “hang out” code for dating? He was so bad at this.

“Give me your phone,” Tauriel demanded. He handed it over with a frown. She began typing before smiling triumphantly and handing it back to him. “There. Now you have my number, and I texted myself from your phone so I have yours.”

He grinned and took the phone back. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m a firm believer in sticking together,” she replied with a wink as they stepped out of the elevator. “See you later.”

Sticking together? What did _that_ mean?

He went the entire day puzzling over those words until he finally asked Gimli what he thought when he got home.

“Maybe she meant single people in February?” he guessed, looking as confused as Kili felt. “Or did you both go to the same college or something?”

“No, maybe the single thing makes sense,” Kili mused. “But why say that after going on a date?”

“Maybe it wasn’t clear enough to her that it was a date? Maybe she just thought you wanted to be work buddies,” Gimli suggested with a shrug.

“Then how do I make it clear?” he cried, grabbing a pillow from the couch and burying his face in it. “Why is this so hard?” he asked, voice muffled.

“Maybe because you’re trying to force it,” he answered, pulling the pillow from Kili’s face and giving him a knowing look. “Why are you so concerned with finding someone? You’ve got all the time in the world! I mean, I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there and everything, but do you even _like_ this girl?”

“I like her!” he said defensively.

“But do you like her in a romantic way?” Gimli pressed. “I’m not saying you have to be in love with her or anything, but does just the thought of her make you smile? Do you want to hold her? Kiss her?”

Kili sighed. Of course he didn’t want to do those things with Tauriel. There was only one person he wanted to do those things with. “Not everyone is as lucky as you and Fili. Some of us have to compromise so that we don’t end up alone.”

“Kili!” Gimli exclaimed, giving him a stern look. “You are _never_ going to be alone. Not as long as either Fili or me is alive. And even then, I’m pretty sure our parents pretty much consider you a Durin. Please tell me you are just trying to find someone to marry to please your parents.”

“Not exactly,” he said, shrugging. “It’s complicated.”

“Your happiness shouldn’t be complicated, Kili,” he told him. “And if the only way to make your parents happy is for _you_ to be unhappy, then your parents can suck it.”

That surprised a laugh out of Kili. “I wish I were brave enough to do that,” he said with a sad smile.

Gimli pursed his lips. “Well, if you ever _do_ decide to do something that brave,” he said after a moment. “You gotta know that Fili and I will be here for you.”

Fili had come home shortly after that conversation, and the topic of conversation quickly shifted. But Kili came away with two things to consider. First, he had to make sure the next time he asked Tauriel out, it was very clear that it was for a date. Second, he was left to wonder if having Fili and Gimli would be enough if he were disowned.

Since one of those things was much easier to wrap his brain around than the other, he decided to tackle that one first.

He waited until after work the next day, and then he gave Tauriel a call.

“Kili, hi!” she answered after only one ring.

“Hey! Sorry it’s kinda short notice, but do you have plans tomorrow night?” he asked hopefully.

“Shockingly, someone as stunning and charming as me has absolutely no Saturday night plans,” she joked. “Are you in the same sad predicament?”

“Well, I was hoping you’d help me avoid that, actually,” he quipped back, an easy smile spreading over his face. He appreciated how easy Tauriel seemed to make things. “Wanna do dinner and a movie?”

“Well that depends on the movie,” she said mischievously.

“I was thinking Pride & Prejudice & Zombies,” Kili answered. He knew that suggesting the new Nicholas Sparks movie would probably set the mood better for a date, but he really couldn’t bring himself to suggest that kind of movie. Besides, Pride & Prejudice was romantic. Adding zombies couldn’t change it _that_ much, right?

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to see that!” Tauriel exclaimed. “I am so in! Let’s go to that theater on 7th. There’s a burger place a couple blocks away and I have been _craving_ a nice juicy burger. And dinner is on me, since you paid for sushi!”

“Great!” he agreed. “I’ll look up movie times and then text you about figuring out a time?”

“Sounds good to me,” she said. “And I’ll just meet you at the restaurant to make things easier. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Can’t wait!”


	2. Chapter Two

He was glad that Fili had shift Saturday as it meant he wasn’t at the apartment when Kili left for his date. He didn’t know _why_ it would bother him so much if he _were_. It wasn’t like he was betraying Fili or anything by going on a date with Tauriel. 

Maybe it bothered him because seeing Fili made it clear how much he was betraying _himself_.

That uncomfortable thought gnawed at him all through his walk to the restaurant and through most of dinner. He couldn’t help but stare across the table at Tauriel, her mouth smiling as she chatted about the book that the movie they were going to see was based on. She was beautiful. She really deserved a date that _wanted_ to be with her.

Kili sighed. What he was doing was wrong. He had to put an end to it.

“Tauriel, I’m sorry,” he said, interrupting her. “You’re amazing, but I really don’t want to lead you on or anything. I know it’s a dick move to ask you out and then bail on you halfway through the date but—”

“Wait, Kili,” she said, giving him a strange look. “You thought this was a date? I am so sorry!” she said, cringing in embarrassment. “I thought we were just hanging out as friends!”

He blinked. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I thought you knew that I was a lesbian. And I, um, kinda assumed you were gay,” she said sheepishly.

“You… Do I seem gay?” he asked breathlessly. Did he give off that vibe? Did people already _know_? _Shit_!

“No!” she assured him. “I think it was just because I assumed you knew about me and were being so cool about it that I just assumed… I’m sorry. I need my gaydar checked. Have I made things uncomfortable now?”

Kili laughed self-deprecatingly. “I think I made it uncomfortable. But I’d love to still go to the movies with you as friends. I was kinda looking forward to seeing some zombies being killed by kickass women in high-waisted tea-gowns.” 

“Sounds great,” she said with a relieved smile.

They went back to their burgers and finished dinner in the same good humor as before. It was only when they were walking towards the theater that Tauriel brought up their awkward conversation again.

“So if you’re not gay and didn’t know that I was, why were you trying to back out of being on a date with me?” she asked curiously. “I mean, I’m kinda a catch.”

“You are, trust me,” he assured her. “That’s why I felt guilty for making you think that I might want something to happen between us.”

“But didn’t you? That’s why you asked me out, right?”

“Yeah, but just because I didn’t want to be alone,” Kili admitted, not able to meet her eyes. “Not because I wanted to go out with you specifically. You deserve someone who wants to be with _you_.”

He dared to look over at her only to see that she was grinning knowingly at him. “So who’s the lucky girl?” she asked with a wink.

He blushed and shook his head. “There is no girl.”

If anything, her grin only widened. “Then there’s a lucky boy,” she concluded. “And this is making you have a quarter-life identity crisis.”

“I’m not having an identity crisis,” he said sulkily.

“So you have no problem admitting that you _are_ gay, then, and there _is_ a boy?” Tauriel asked airily with a raised brow.

“Could you please not say that so _loudly_?” he hissed, looking around in a slight panic to make sure no one he knew was lurking around. He knew he sounded paranoid, but he couldn’t help it.

“There’s no reason to be _unashamed_ ,” Tauriel scoffed. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with being of the homosexual persuasion.”

“I know that,” Kili said testily as they reached the theater. “I’m not ashamed of anything.”

She stopped short before they could get in line for tickets and gave him a no-nonsense stare as she folder her arms in front of her. “If you aren’t ashamed, what’s keeping you buried inside the closet?”

He growled in frustration and pulled her to the side and out of the foot traffic of the sidewalk. “Do we really have to talk about this? We’re going to miss the movie.”

She smirked at him. “Pretty sure this is more interesting than the movie would be anyway.”

Kili sighed in defeat. “If you must know, my parents would disown me if they found out.”

“And this guy of yours isn’t worth that?” she guessed.

“Of course he is!” he cried vehemently. She raised a brow at that and he deflated. “He wouldn’t be interested in me that way, though.”

Tauriel gave him a sympathetic look. “He’s straight.”

“No, he’s been out since high school,” Kili told her with a shake of his head. “But we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. He sees me as a brother.”

“Oh,” she said, looking sad for him. “And you don’t want to lose what you have with him by telling him you want more.”

“Right. Plus, I don’t want him and his cousin, my other best friend, to hate me for lying to them for so long about my sexuality,” he confessed.

“I don’t think they’d hate you for that,” she told him gently as she grabbed his hand and led him inside the theater,bypassing the line at the box office and going to one of the self-serve kiosks with a much shorter line. “Take it from someone who’s had to deal with the whole coming out there. No one who’s been there would fault you for having to work up the courage to do it.”

Kili smiled at her. “Thanks. You know, even if I was a completely failure at this whole dating thing, I’m glad I got you as a friend out of it.”

She laughed. “Me too. And believe me, I do understand your situation,” she told him, eyes taking on a sad look as she swiped her credit card into the card reader on the kiosk. She handed him one of the two tickets that the machine spat out. “I stayed closeted for years to keep my parents happy. Dated countless guys and of course nothing worked out. Finally, I couldn’t stand living a lie and told my parents.”

“Did they take it okay?” he asked.

“God no,” she scoffed. “Disowned me and kicked me out of the house. Left me homeless and penniless. But I was happy. Happier than I was when I was trying to please them at least.”

That thought stuck with him through the movie, which was thankfully gruesome enough to overshadow the romance it was based on.

“Thank you, Tauriel,” he said before they parted ways. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

She smiled at him. “Just do what makes you happy, Kili. Don’t worry about what anyone else will think about it, okay?”

“I’ll try,” he promised.

Fili was in the kitchen when he got back. He obviously hadn’t been back long, though, as he was still in his paramedic uniform.

Kili both hated and loved when Fili wore his uniform.

He didn’t let himself think of that for long. He couldn’t dwell on his feelings for Fili.It would only confuse him more than he already was.

The blond looked up as he walked in the door though and gave him a smile that looked a little worn, which probably meant he had had a rough shift. Kili forgot about his own problems for the moment, dropping into a barstool and frowning in concern.

“Want to talk about it?”

Fili shot him another wan smile. “How is it that you always know when I’ve had a crappy day?”

“I pay attention,” Kili said matter-of-factly. “Now what happened?”

The blond sighed and sagged against the counter. “I lost someone today. Heart attack. He coded in the bus and I couldn’t get him back.”

Kili walked around the counter slowly and pulled Fili into his arms. “You did all that you could,” he soothed, rubbing his hand in comforting circles on his back.

Fili snorted into his shoulder. “You can’t know that,” he muttered.

“Oh yes, I can!” he replied, pulling back to smile at Fili, not liking the sadness in those beautiful blue eyes. “You’d never give up on anyone without doing all that you could. It sucks that your patient died, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“Thanks,” he said, pulling away with a small smile and going back to assembling his sandwich. Fili took a deep breath before speaking again. “So how did it go with you tonight? Gimli said you had a date?”

“Yeah, well, it was kind of a disaster,” Kili said lightly, more than willing to make fun of himself if it would make Fili laugh. “I realized halfway through dinner that I was being a selfish asshole for leading someone like her on, so I tried to let her down gently. Turns out, she didn’t even know it was supposed to be a date!”

Fili chuckled at that. “How did you manage to ask her out without her knowing she was being asked out?”

“I’m not exactly sure,” he replied, moving away to rummage in the fridge. He grabbed a water and closed the door. “It was pretty embarrassing for both us.”

“Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea,” the blond said with shrug, turning his back to Kili and focusing on cutting his sandwich in two. “Even if this one didn’t work out, you’ll find someone. You just gotta look in the right places, Kee.”

Kili swallowed thickly at that. He was pretty sure he had been looking in all the wrong places. “Maybe…”

“Well, I’m beat,” Fili told him. “I’m gonna scarf down my sandwich in my room and then head to bed. Goodnight.”

“Night,” Kili muttered after him, still lost in thought.

He didn’t get much sleep that night. He really couldn’t stop thinking about everything Tauriel and Gimli had said.

Because the truth was that he _wasn’t_ happy hiding who he was. And he had let his feelings for Fili’s fester to the point where they were helping to keep him hidden in the closet. After all, if he kept telling himself that it didn’t matter if he came out or not because he wouldn’t have Fili either way, well, that was just an excuse, wasn’t it?

He would certainly never get over Fili if he never came out. And keeping his feelings for Fili bottled up forever would definitely drive a wedge between them. Especially when Fili inevitably found himself a boyfriend.

But Fili couldn’t be the reason he did this. Whatever his decision, he had to make it for himself. That had been his problem all along, after all. His decision to hide who he was not made for himself, but for his parents. The question was, then, what did _he_ want?

It would be easy, probably, to come out to his friends and just leave his parents in the dark. It wasn’t like they ever visited. And whenever he went back home for a visit, he usually spent more time with the Durins than his own family. It wasn’t even something his parents even needed to _know_ , really.

But what if he found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with? His treacherous mind whispered _Fili_ , but he wouldn’t want to put _anyone_ in that position. And how was he supposed to go about dating anyone while knowing that he was basically trying to make them his dirty little secret?

But did he really need romance? He had gotten by for so many years without it. Why bother with it now?

It was a stupid question, he knew. He wasn’t happy now. Sure, he had _moments_ of happiness, when he was with his friends and was able to forget, but his life was missing something crucial because he was essentially denying a part of him existed. 

When he woke up from the little sleep he had been able to get, he knew what he had to do.

Like a man condemned, he opened his laptop and called his parents on video chat. A part of him was hoping that they wouldn’t answer. That hope was dashed, however, as his parents _always_ answered on Sunday mornings.

“Killian,” his father greeted him, his mother leaning into the camera’s view wearing her apron and a smile. “This is a surprise. You usually don’t call.”

Kili suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. No, “son, good to hear from you,” or even a “good morning.” And they honestly wondered why he didn’t call more often?

“Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you,” he said, taking a deep breath to steel himself. He didn’t see the point of prolonging the conversation. “I’m gay.”

His mother gasped, but his father just frowned slightly before calming stating, “No, you’re not.”

Kili blinked. He hadn’t been expecting an outright denial of his confession. “Yes, I am.”

“Killian, please be serious,” his father said in exasperation. “I realize you may not have found yourself a girl yet, but that’s no reason to say such things.”

“Dad, I _am_ being serious!” he cried before lowering his voice, not wanting Fili or Gimli to hear. “I am _gay_!”

A dark cloud passed over his father’s face and his mother clutched at her pearls. “This is the influence of those Durin boys,” he spat distastefully. “I know you’ve been hanging out with them behind our backs, even if you deny it.”

Kili got mad at that. “This has nothing to do with them!” he hissed. “But if you must know, I haven’t just been hanging out with them, I’ve been _living_ with them.”

His father scowled. “And they’ve pulled you into their debauchery? I bet that apartment is more of a sex den than anything else.” His mother looked suitably scandalized at that. “Killian, this is nonsense. You will move out of that place at once and we will put this whole homosexual phase out of our minds.”

“This is not a phase, father,” he spat, extremely angry now. “This is who I am. And if you can’t accept that, then maybe I don’t want you in my life.”

“If this is who you are, you can call us again when you become someone else,” his father said, hanging up on him before he had a chance to respond.

Tears he had been holding back ran down his cheeks. He wasn’t feeling sad, though. He should feel sad. Sadness would probably set in later. Now, though, all he felt was _anger_.

That, unfortunately, lasted only about as long as the ramifications of his confession set in.

His parents completely rejected him. Even though he knew it was going to happen, it still _hurt_. Weren’t parents supposed to love their children no matter what? Why couldn’t his parents love him like that? Was it something wrong with him or with them? They were obviously under the firm impression that it was _him_.

Were they right? Maybe he was unloveable. It wasn’t like anyone, man or woman, ever really showed an interest in him after the whole incident with Cindy junior year. Maybe something _was_ wrong with him.

No. He couldn’t think that way. These were the people who thought something was fundamentally wrong with _Fili and Gimli_ , just because they were gay. There was clearly something wrong with _them_.

Still, he spent the day curled in bed, not really ready to face the outside world after facing his parents. He snuck out of his room a couple of times to go to the bathroom and to grab a bag of Doritos out of the kitchen. He was careful to avoid either Fili or Gimli, knowing the two of them would take one look at him and know something was wrong.

His heart had been battered enough today. He wasn’t sure if he could take whatever came with coming out to his friends. Sure, he knew they would stand by him, but he was also pretty sure they wouldn’t be exactly happy about the fact that he had lied to them for so long.

Call him a coward, but he’d really rather avoid the emotions that conversation would dredge up. He felt a little too emotionally wrung out, too fragile. Which was stupid. He was _prepared_ for his parents reactions. He _knew_ they were going to accept. Why did he feel so upset then?

Given that all he ate Sunday was a bag of Doritos and that he spent most of the day curled in bed, crying sporadically, he really wasn’t surprised when he woke up Monday morning feeling _awful_.

He knew staying at home in bed wasn’t going to make him feel better, but he really wasn’t up for anyone at work seeing him in this state so he took a sick day. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that both Fili and Gimli had the day off, Fili because he was off shift, Gimli because he researched his dissertation from home on Mondays.

Which wouldn’t have been a problem with him holed up in his room, but both of his friends were weird morning people and was always up far earlier than Kili. Which meant they _always_ saw him leave for work.

Around 9 o’clock, a light tapping came at his door. “Kili?” Fili’s voice called softly through the door. “Did you oversleep?”

He groaned into his pillow. “Not going in today.”

The door swung open and Fili crept over to his bed, sitting on the bed next to him and brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Are you sick?” he asked in concern.

“Not exactly,” he admitted, not wanting to lie to his friends anymore. He turned so his face was completely hidden by his pillow. “Just not feeling up to work,” he said, voice muffled.

“Okay,” Fili said without judgment. “But why don’t you get up and I’ll make you some waffles?”

Kili shifted so that one eye was peeking up at Fili from the pillow. “You don’t have to…”

He gave him a smile. “I want to. Come on. You’ll feel better if you get up.”

He took the hand Fili held out and let himself be pulled up and led into the living room, where he was pushed down onto the couch and wrapped up with a plush throw. “You’re spoiling me,” he told him with a wan smile. “I’m not even sick.”

“No, but you’re upset about something,” Fili said with a frown. “You don’t have to tell me what, but I reserve the right to spoil you until you feel better.”

“Kili sick?” Gimli asked, coming out of the bathroom wearing jeans and a t-shirt and toweling his hair dry.

“I’m not sick,” he protested as Fili gathered up the ingredients to make waffles. He groaned as Fili grabbed actual flour instead of the mix they kept in the cupboard. He was making waffles _from scratch_. “Really, Fili, you don’t have to go to that much trouble. You’re just making me feel guilty.”

“That’s stupid,” he replied with a scoff. “You never have to feel guilty about me doing things for you.”

“Did the date Saturday go that badly?” Gimli asked as he sat down on the love-seat and looked at him with worry.

“No,” he protested. “I mean, yeah, I guess it went badly in the sense that we both came to the mutual decision to just be friends, but it wasn’t _bad_.”

“Then what happened?” 

“Nothing really,” he said as he absently watched Fili pour the waffle batter into the iron. Fili really was amazing in the kitchen.

“Something had to have to make you this upset,” Gimli pressed, narrowing his eyes. “What did you do yesterday?”

“Stayed in my room, mostly,” he admitted.

“Kili…”

“Here,” Fili said, handing him his waffle, golden brown and drenched in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, just like he liked it. The blond sat down next to him and placed a comforting hand on his knee. “And you don’t have to talk to us,” he added, shooting Gimli a glare. “But we’re here for you if you want to.”

He sighed in defeat. There was no point in dragging this out. He would have to tell them eventually, right? Might as well get it over with.

“I talked to my parents yesterday,” he told them, poking at his waffle with his fork. “They basically… disowned me… by the end of the conversation.”

Although he had really been the one to disown them first, hadn’t he? He was the one who told them that he didn’t want them in his life. He had pretty much forced their hand. He had gone into the conversation believing that he was cutting ties with his family. Maybe things wouldn’t have gone so poorly if he hadn’t. But the things they had said about Fili and Gimli had been inexcusable and would have come up no matter how he went about things. So maybe there was only one way the video call could have ended.

“What? Why?” Gimli demanded. Kili looked up to see both his friends outraged on his behalf.

He took a deep breath. It was now or never. “They didn’t particularly like the idea of having a gay son,” he confessed, poking at his waffle again and not meeting their eyes. He heard Fili inhale sharply and guilt welled within him again. “Sorry I didn’t tell either of you before. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it and have to deal with my parents… It’s a stupid reason, I know, but…”

“No,” Gimli was quick to assure. “They’re your parents, and given their not-unpredictable reaction, it’s understandable that you would want to bury that part of yourself. I’m just glad that you feel comfortable enough to tell us now.”

He snorted in self-deprecation. “Comfort has nothing to do with it,” he said bitterly. “I’m just… tired of not being happy.” He shook his head ruefully. “I knew I’d never be happy as long as I was hiding part of myself.”

He was painfully aware that Fili had yet to say anything. He was desperate to look at the blond, but he was afraid. Instead, he kept his focus on his waffle, tearing a piece off with his fork and popping it in his mouth. He knew it was probably delicious, but it just tasted like cardboard to him.

Fili cleared his throat. “I’m glad you decided to stop hiding,” he said, squeezing Kili’s knee with the hand that he had never removed. “You deserve happiness, Kee.”

The knot of anxiety in his stomach eased at the words and he finally looked up at both of them, giving them a grateful smile. “I was afraid you’d both be angry at me for not telling you.”

“Kili,” Gimli said seriously, moving from the love-seat to sit on Kili’s other side on the couch and slinging an arm around his shoulders. “We love you and will support you no matter what.”

He looked from Gimli’s earnest face to Fili, who nodded at him with shining blue eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered thickly, choking on the emotions welling inside him. _Good_ emotions. Nothing like the emotions that his conversation with his parents dredged up.

“You don’t have to thank us, Kee,” Fili told him. “We’re family.”

The words filled with him with both happiness and despair. Happiness, but he liked the idea of having a family that wouldn’t abandon him. On the other hand, the thought of Fili thinking of them as _family_ made his heart _ache_.

They sat there, huddled together on the couch, for about an hour, watching some mindless drivel on the television while Kili finished his waffle. Fili took his plate after a while and brought it to the kitchen, taking the time to clean up the mess he made cooking.

Gimli took the time to lean in close to Kili. “Listen, Kili,” he whispered seriously. “I don’t want to interfere, but if you have feelings for Fili, you have _got_ to tell him. He won’t do it knowing how much coming out has upset you. He’ll think he’s taking advantage.”

“What?” Kili breathed, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. 

“I have watched him pine for you since high school,” Gimli told him with furrowed brow. “I always thought you _might_ feel the same, but you never said anything about being gay. If I’m wrong, please don’t hold it against Fili.”

His heart was pounding in his chest. “You aren’t wrong,” he admitted faintly, hardly daring to believe.

“Good,” he said, stretching before standing up. “Now, I’m going over to meet Legolas. I expect you two to have things sorted by the time I’m back.”

Kili stared after his friend, slightly in shock. Surely it wasn’t that easy. It felt a little too good to be true that he could everything he had ever wanted. After being assured of the support of his best friends, he had hardly dared to hope for more.

And now Gimli was telling him that _more_ was right in front of him, if only he was brave enough to reach out and grab it.

Well, he had been brave enough to come out to his parents and to his friends. Summoning a little more courage couldn’t be that hard.

He slouched into the kitchen, watching Fili rinse his dishes in silence for a few moments before speaking up. “I’ve got something else to confess.”

Fili turned towards him with a smile, wiping his hands on a dish towel before stepping closer to him and taking his hands. “You can tell me anything, Kili.”

He bit his lip and looked away, all of his previous courage having left him in that moment. Could he really risk this? Gimli sounded sure that Fili loved him, too, but what if he was wrong? What if what he thought was romantic feelings was just the brotherly love Kili had always thought Fili held for him? What if this would drive a wedge between them permanently?

“Kili?” the blond prompted, giving him a patient look. “I promise, nothing you could tell me could make me love you any less.”

“I love you,” he said in a rush. “I mean, I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you for… well, way before you came out in high school.”

“Really?” Fili asked hopefully, giving him a shy grin.

Kili blinked backed tears and nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’ve loved you for forever,” the blond replied, looping his arms loosely around Kili’s waist and stepping closer. “I never dared hope…”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long,” he said. “If I had come out earlier…”

“Don’t apologize,” Fili told him. “I understand. I don’t care how long it took.”

“But if I had known you felt the same way, I might have come out sooner,” Kili said mournfully.

It was Fili’s turn to shake his head. “You had to do it for yourself, not for me. Trust me, it was better this way,” he assured. “Besides, we have the rest of our lives, right?”

A smile crept across his face at that. “Yeah. Yeah, we do.”

“Then everything is perfect,” Fili murmured, moving from to brush their lips together.

Kili sighed into the barely-there kiss before throwing his arms around Fili’s neck and pressing closer, shivering as Fili’s tongue snaked into his mouth.

Kissing had never felt this way before. It had never made him feel so… _alive_ …

He broke away with a gasp. Fili brought a hand up to cup his cheek, running a thumb over his cheekbone soothingly. “Okay?”

He nodded with a shaky breath. “Yeah, just… not really used to how good that feels.”

“Don’t worry,” Fili assured. “We’ll go slow. We have all the time in the world.”

He smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

Fili brought their lips together in another kiss, gentler this time and so sweet that Kili felt like crying at how perfect it was.

“I love you,” he breathed again as they broke apart.

“I love you, too, Kee. And look at that,” Fili said with a smug smirk. “Looks like you got yourself a date for Valentine’s Day after all.”

Kili rolled his eyes but couldn’t help grinning back. He had a feeling he’d never be alone for Valentine’s Day again.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter should be up tonight or tomorrow!


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